Faith journey, The Shack, SAMmy's and Parenting - Part I

I've been contemplating this entry for a very long time.  Somehow, I am going to make the bridge between my faith journey and my parenting style, even if it takes me multiple posts.  :) .

So here we go.

Almost two years ago, I lost a daughter.  A tragic and hard time in my life, but for me, it marks the start of what I consider to be my faith journey.  In reality, this journey probably began long ago when my parents decided to have all of us girls begin our education at a Catholic school.  I was taught religion and went to church.  By the time we transfered up to public schools I think most of us could recite the mass just as well as the priest overseeing the service.  It really seemed disconnected for me.  Was there a God? Yea, I guess.  That's what I'd been told and I'd talked with Him plenty of times.  But really, I never understood (and still don't really or fully) what it meant to be in relationship with Him and Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Speeding the 'rewind' segment up, two years ago my life and my perspective changed.  My attitude and my ability to experience life changed and my journey began.  As many know, my pregnancy with Madison was not planned.  It was full of stress and worry about how having a child at 23, not married (heck not even engaged at the time), living far from family, and without a kick-butt job would ultimately change my life.  I didn't lean into God.  I leaned into myself and the people around me trying to do things the way I thought our world expected me to.  God knew better.

It's hard to describe the immediate change I felt.  I guess if I had to pin-point a moment, it would have been when we were driving back from the hospital.  I believe down to my core, that I was filled with God's graces and the Holy Spirit on that drive (it felt like a warm bubble..and while I was sad, I was okay).  It was the first time in my life I had felt that way and recognized it as such.  And so, the faith journey began.

Now I hope I don't get too confusing here.  I didn't know it was the big H.S. at the time.  I just knew it was God and for the first time in my life I just knew.  He was real and He was here.

Now bring in The SHACK.  It's interesting looking back and seeing how things have been placed in your life to lay a foundation for later.  This book was one of those.  I read this book about a month before losing Madison.  At the time, the themes that really shined bright were the ones relating to relationships.  I, of course,  kept relating it back to my relationship with Broghan and thought of it as a guidepost for us to look at.  However, it played a pretty pivotal role in my ability to cope with my loss.  The ideas of good and bad and how we're all God's children and how He wants to relate with us as such didn't seem important until looking at it in hindsight.  (I'm hoping that if you have yet to read this, you'll be intrigued enough to go out and find it and read it).

Moving forward I began leaning more into God and my faith for comfort and recognizing what blessings I'd been given.  Madison was a blessing.  Broghan has been and continues to be a blessing.  I leaned hard into him and into Him and survived particularly well in my opinion.  I re-read The Shack and those other themes really stuck out and really stuck inside my head.  Broghan and I began attending an amazing church and real understanding of the Bible began.  Slowly, it began.

As I'm sure many of you know, my life has been put into fast forward for the past two years.  Two babies (and one on the way), a wedding, a move, a new home, change of cars, change of lifestyle, new friends, new jobs, new interests and educational pursuits.  It's been a lot.  But I've also taken quite a bit if time and focused on my faith.  Broghan and I began searching out a church home when we moved to Eau Claire and we spent a few months doing what I like to call "church hopping".  We'd attend one, then another, then another, then go back to one of the other ones.  We finally settled on one and have enjoyed the services when we've been able to go.  

Also, last year after Keller was born I was invited by a friend to attend a local Christian mom's group called SAMmy's.  It allowed me the opportunity to not only connect with mom's (such a blessing!) but to also have a safe, friendly, and low-pressure environment to test out my "God wings".  (haha a term I just conjured up..but hopefully you understand what I mean)

sorry to end it short and in a weird spot...tired & the game is on..soooo to be continued!