Whenever I get the opportunity to share my birthing experiences and timelines...people are quite amazed that I'm on my fourth pregnancy in four years. Literally, since April of 2008, I have spent...(doing mental math.....okay ditching mental math....using a calculator) 130 weeks - or roughly 32.5 months - or roughly 2.7 YEARS pregnant! Almost three full years...and by the time I have this baby...it will be OVER three years! It's insane...and honestly, when people ask about it and ask if we'll have more they are almost always amazed to hear me say, I'm not sure, but more than likely yes, we will have more. Then the ultimate: WHY?! comes out. Well, in all sincerity, pregnancy is quite easy for me. It doesn't consume my life, meaning my day-to-day routines tend to stay about the same, except I slow down a little faster than usual and can't lift or move larger objects like I'd prefer. But I don't get seriously sick, my appetite doesn't own me, I don't gain a ridiculous amount of weight, I don't swell or retain water, my BP is always low and my kidneys handle it all with much grace. So up until the point of delivery, I've never felt that pregnancy was a downer or if I had a moment of depression regarding it, it was usually something more along the lines of I don't feel well as opposed to I'm resenting being pregnant....until this past weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not resenting this pregnancy...or any of them. But the thought did actually cross my mind that my emotions were leading me down that path. You see, this past weekend we celebrated the wedding of some great friends...with a giant group of more great friends...and everyone had a blast (me included); however, much of the "fun" happened either at a bar or at the reception - where the fun revolved mostly around drinking and dancing...two things that a pregnant girl with a nice round, basketball like belly can't exactly indulge in. Drinking is an obvious one and I'm pretty used to experiencing all moments of life sober but add into that the struggle of being in heels for hours on end and standing and dancing and I think the physical and emotional limits were pushed. (I will say this and sorry if it's TMI, but it's MY blog...when I stand too long or walk too long or lift too much...my cervix literally hurts...it aches...like a sore muscle...so this is what was happening...along with all of the pains of wearing high heels..)
Broghan was honored to get to be part of the wedding party - a task he's taken on many times before (he literally is beating me like 7-0 in that category...so honestly, could someone I KNOW PLEASE GET MARRIED! I need to start catching up...). But for some reason, during both the rehearsal dinner (a boat cruise) and the reception, I got emotional and lonely. Two things that don't usually happen to me.
For one, I'm pretty stable emotionally...even throughout pregnancy...and whenever I do have a moment of weakness (haha okay, I know emotions aren't weaknesses...but hopefully you get what I'm aiming at), I am usually able to recognize it and at least internalize it until a more appropriate time when I can work through them in peace or with someone who can actually provide proper attention...say for instance, AFTER the boat cruise or AFTER the reception.
Secondly, I don't usually get lonely. I'm a pretty outgoing person and am fairly independent (in my opinion) and so to find others to converse with and entertain myself with is usually an easy task. Plus, I love seeing Broghan interact with his friends from home because it brings out a side of him that I rarely get to see in our adult lives where he has the pressures and responsibilities of being the one to run our business, to be a great husband and an amazing dad to soon to be three kids. Its a lot to take on. So it really should have been fun for me to see him having fun and relaxing for a few hours.
But nope, this lady got teary, isolated herself, and ended up drawing Broghan away for a decent amount of time at both events. Not dramatically, I promise, but to me, the whole thing is dramatic because I honestly feel that it shouldn't have even happened...And while most probably didn't even realize our absence, I certainly knew what I was doing and felt horrible...but at the same time, I was being driven by my emotional side...not a rational one at that moment and was terrified he would leave and go back to the party without me because how I was reacting was so irrational...such a ridiculous thought because as soon as he understood I was upset, he didn't leave me at all....(awwww..) ;).
So really, what this all sums up to is that I've realized that the effects of being unable to do things really does take its toll on me and while in pregnancy #1, #2, & #3 I was probably tough enough to deal with it all...it appears that pregnancy #4 is getting the best of me. Hopefully with this new insight of sorts I'll be better prepared and aware of any situations like this arise again...I'm thinking it won't (we don't have any social gatherings quite as similar...in terms of Broghan needing to be detained like he was). But I've also realized that once I'm clear through those first few months of post partum life...and this newest one is more independent of this momma...watch out - because I'm ready to do a little running around of my own! (as long as I can end by 9...staying up past 10 is just way too hard...) :P
Until Next Time....
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