How we deal..

The idea of how to deal with hard situations or events has been a constant thought over the past year. I know I have my own ways, Broghan has his, but it's been interesting to look back and realize how many different ways people cope.

I guess, what I am really trying to get at, is I'd like to share my way in hopes that if someone else is going through something, even if it's completely different from what we've been through, maybe it will help. OR if someone is in a position to make a difficult decision, maybe this will give you an idea of where to start in order to make that decision if you feel lost.

I read. Simple, yes. But so incredibly important. Now don't go assuming I'm reading medical journals or even educational materials because really, those do NOT float my boat. What I mean is I read a lot of books, entertaining stories, I read blogs, I read websites (both from specific organizations and personal). I guess for me, knowing, even if I don't understand completely, helps.

For example, before when I was pregnant with Madison, I received about 6 baby books. I actually read them. Like actually read through the "What to expect" books, and the ones about how drugs affect your babies and the ones about what you should eat and how to work out. I also read the books "The Shack" and "Wicked" in the last month of my pregnancy. And not to get too much into the religious aspects of my life, but I feel that God put those books into my hands to prepare me for losing Madison. I feel that way because it was the themes in those books that carried me through the grieving process. (therefore, I highly recommend either, although The Shack for me was much more helpful, Wicked helps understanding the whole concepts of good vs. evil and who are we to judge?) I also signed up for babycenter.com (thank Amber for pointing me to it!) (also, for those pregnant or with young ones, its a great resource!) and got weekly updates in my email about how my baby was developing and I ALWAYS looked ahead, I just couldn't wait...(i'm one of those people who almost always knows what I'm getting as a gift before I get it...I'm sure it drives Broghan crazy)

Another example, is after Keller was born, and granted we got a ton of information from the hospital staff and everything, I wanted to know "What to expect". So I got a copy of the American Pediatrics Association book, continued to read the babycenter.com information pages, asked A TON of mom's about their experiences, started reading other mom's posts on Facebook, and checked out books about vaccines, medications, how the baby's brain develops. I read through books about breastfeeding and all of the information posted at the hospital in their little "pumping" rooms. I read pamphlets and signs at the pediatricians office, and even those little inserts on medications I was taking to see how the study was done and the side effects for breastfeeding.

Now don't get mislead, I'm not constantly reading and I don't do it consistently, but I do enjoy knowing and not being ignorant to what is supposed to be happening or what my choices are. I used to be content with it. But after losing Madison, its almost like an obsession to want to know. And maybe that's because her dealth makes me feel like I didn't know. I didn't know how I was supposed to be feeling at 36 weeks and in a way it's a guilty feeling about that. If I had known, maybe? but probably not in reality ya know?

Recently, I was fortunate enough to get a book from a fabulous sorority sister entitled "An exact replica of a figment of my imagination". Its a memoir written by a woman who experienced a stillbirth at 41 weeks, then got pregnant again 3 months later. Very similar to my experience and reading it helped me to put into words and into a context that was understood the many feelings and thoughts I've had over the past year. So even a year later, still helpful to read that.

Side note: if you ever see a woman with a young baby or who is obviously pregnant, PLEASE do NOT ask "is this your first?" Ugh...horrible horrible question...if you want to know if she is a first-time mom, or if she has other kids, its much much much better to say "do you have any other little ones at home?" or even "is this your only one?". It may not really seem different but really, it is, answering "is this your first" is strange, it feels like a lie to say "Yes" and its too complicated to say "No" so just don't go there...

So to summarize: if you're having a hard time and don't know where to start, start with reading, even if its just googling it and reading the websites that come up, or going to the store and grabbing the Twillight series (AHH so good! :) ), reading helps, it helps you learn, it helps you grow and more than anything it allows you to escape for a moment and just enjoy something (if you're reading a fun book...another good one is "time travelers wife"...it's kind of slow to get through, but good for if you have to pick it up-put it down-pick it up-put it down...etc..)