Cancer sucks.

That is an absolute. No, I do not have cancer. But my dear, beautiful, wonderful, amazing, inspirational, loving, hilarious, life-loving friend Annie does. This past weekend we learned that her battle with cancer will end this week or next. The tumors have invaded her lungs and liver and will continue their horrible path of destruction until her life is over. That is, unless a sneaky blood clot forms and does it first. She is currently at home on hospice and has many visitors coming and going from all over the nation.

This has been a very hard and strange week. The questions that have been going through my mind are endless. Why? being probably the biggest one. But after that come the ones that really don't have any kind of answer, or if they do, they have many, meaning none are "right" or "wrong".

How do you mourn a person who is still alive?

How are we supposed to be okay with losing someone like Annie after only getting her for 25 years?

How do you say goodbye to her without making it sound like death is on the doorstep? Even though we all know it is.

How do you visit, leave, visit again?, then leave again? then how many times do you say goodbye like its the last and then do you just wait? Just wait for death to come...

How do you plan to attend a funeral for a person who hasn't died? For a friend.

Is it wrong to think about way to memorialize her life before she's dead?

All in all this just suck. Cancer sucks.

Annie O'Dell, I love you, and will miss you more than words can really express. I will never "poke" you back on facebook, so that little message will always be on my home page. I will treasure the too few minutes of video I've been able to capture of you, especially those with you and Keller. Thank you for allowing me into your life and sharing your awesomeness. Any day I'm having a particularly good hair/make-up day I will always think of you and our "holidays". I will always consider you a sister. I will do my best to never forget the sound of your voice or the warmth of your hugs. You are bigger than life and heaven better be ready. I pray every day for my little angel to keep an eye out for you. Take care of each other up there. Your mantra will stay with me forever "they asked me what I came to do; I came to LIVE OUT LOUD!" and you did my friend, you most certainly did.