Oh Baby Baby...

OF course I blog about how I won't be able to benefit from being pregnant or breastfeeding as a weight gain/loss monitor and literally (i believe) the next day, I take a test and we find out I'm pregnant....again....

I am happy of course, I love babies and I always knew we'd have more than two.  But I'm also selfishly feeling blahzeh about it all.  I was really looking forward to a full year of "freedom" (haha yea, right...) but also wanted to get back into my body and feel like myself.

We took the test just over a week and a half ago (Monday May 14th to be exact) and since the I've kind of come to this place of acceptance and realization that "feeling like myself" is exactly how I'm feeling now.  This is my new self.  There will be no going back to what I felt like before or to the behaviors/liberties I was able to take before.  I'll now have three little ones to somehow keep track of and manage.

Then of course there is that nagging feeling that has come with all of my subsequent pregnancies since Madison - what if it doesn't work out?   I mean, I'm only somewhere between 5-7 weeks (I think - we'll know more after a dating ultrasound on Thursday May 31st), so there is still a significant chance we could miscarry.  Dark I know, but hard not to think that way when you've gone through loss before.  As I tell everyone who starts to get super excited for us when we share the news, yea..we're pregnant; I'm sorry if I'm not more excited, pregnancy doesn't always "do" it for me, but having the baby part - now that I get in to!

Anyways, there will be lots of blogging between now and the end and hopefully I'll be able to keep up with updates throughout the summer/fall/winter/rest of my life.

But we welcome all of your well wishes and delight it everyone else's excitement.  As for me, I'll smile and accept congratulations and continue working on staying healthy and hoping all goes well.

Until next time...